Doin' the Turkey (in) Hop(s) Earth shattering experiment Photo/Creation contributed by Gene Hirschel Cook, Point and Shoot, Eat www.SeeMyPhotos.com

I had never made a turkey, had no idea what I was doing, and I'm not sure what I did. Here is, to the best of my recollection, the story of the best turkey I have ever cooked.

I was about 10 years ago, in my little co-op (named Moby-Mud) in Cliffside Park, New Jersey. I had desire, intuition, inspiration, my nose, and a live bird.

Well, the bird wasn't actually alive, anymore. She was killed by the butcher, moments before and the flesh was still quite warm. It was the evening before Thanksgiving and I was at a loss of what to do. Oh, sure, I remember years and years celebrating this holiday with my parents, but it was all 'transparent to the user'. I had never taken notice of what the mechanisms behind the curtain were. So,naturally, I had to make it up.

After cleaning Moby-Mud to "holiday company is coming" grade, and doing some other last- minute preparations, I noticed that it was around 1pm. Oops! Wasn't thanksgiving supposed to start at 5am? No matter... off to the store for goodies...

I knew I had to clean the birdie. The night before I used both lemon and grapefruit juice, freshly squeezed over the flesh of the bird, and gave a good vigorous rub-a-dub-dub.

While shopping, I knew dinner had to feature sweet potatoes. I thought ...hmmmm ...sweet. Ok, let's bring out that sweetness with a pear and an apple.

With the bird in the oven, I knew to keep the skin moist I had to do some basting. Thinking..."what tastes like turkey skin?" I came up with bottled Guinness (NOT the 'draft in a can' Guinness) and poured it over the bird. The sugars and burnt hops in Guinness were a perfect match.

As for the sweet potatoes, I boiled them to softness, along with the pear and apple. Then, into the vita-mixer (aka - a router). Mush-squish, all done. I baked the resultant for a while after and added a little maple syrup and 1/2 shot of anisette. Even though I made too much (Almost a tub of it when I was done) there were no leftovers. IN FACT, the bird was the best anyone had tasted. My mom had been making turkey for 50+ years and had never eaten skin before, but this crispy tasty skin found it's happy way into her taste buds and her belly.

A few years later, I learned that adding roux to the gravy is a great taste enhancer!

Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving!

Stains: Beer
Try a vinegar Solution of one cup white vinegar (save your balsamic for the salad) to two cups water. Then give thanks!

TV for inspiration: WKRP in Cincinnati" (1978)
Arthur Carlson: As God is my witness I thought turkeys could fly.

Cajun Napalm Roux a Mamma would be thankful for Photo/Creation contributed by Gene Hirschel Cook, Point and Shoot, Eat www.SeeMyPhotos.com

Something I tried after spending time in Cajun Country:

If a single Cajun gentleman is introduced to a lady, he will have two questions: "Can you back up a trailer, and does your Momma make a good roux?"

The Thanksgiving gravy it great with a little roux. Caution - handle with great care! It is known as Cajun napalm. It's hot, and sticky, and burns very deeply. Use protection!

It is essential to use an oil that has a high burn temperature. I like peanut or grapeseed.

Find a well-seasoned pot. A heavy copper, stainless steel or other metal works better than any non-stick surface because of the high temperatures involved.

Heat one part of oil until it is just below smoke temperature. Yes, you may see some smoke as a warning...ease back on the temp a little, but keep it high. After turning off the smoke alarm, add an equal part of bleached all-purpose flour. Use a whisk and keep stirring. Be careful, a tiny bit of this hot-oil flour is deadly. Continue adding flour until the result is 2 parts flour to 1 part oil. Stir, stir, stir! If the roux burns, it becomes a non-edible weapon. Lower the flame and continue to stir until the roux is the color of a dark penny...a somewhat reddish color (roux means "reddish" in French). It could take 45 minutes.

Add to the gravy and watch the pleasantly surprised faces when they taste your gravy ...and tell them it's a family secret!

Stains: For removal of those nasty gravy stains, soak the stain in cold water for 30 minutes. Work laundry products into stain. Rinse and dry.

Movies for inspiration:The Big Easy (1987)
Remy McSwain (Dennis Quaid): Just relax, darlin'. This is the Big Easy. Folks have a certain way o' doin' things down here.