In the "Cheeses Luvs You" theme, below are two classic and simple creations that gourmets of all types and flavours can master.
	Chocolate Cherry Chai Cheesecake Impress the stockings off your mom! From the Trendy section of The Messy Gourmet Cookbook

• 2 packages of cream cheese. You can use light or Neufchatel or traditional Philly. My favorite is to fool real macho men with the tofu "I can't believe it's not cream cheese" spread. You truly can't tell the difference and your lactose-intolerant friends will be able to tolerate both you and the cake.
• 2 eggs. You can even get away with only one egg, but otherwise you are just making a blob of sweet cheese.
• ¼ cup sugar. Optional. I have made this recipe with absolutely no sugar and it tasted great because the chai concentrate was already sweetened.
• cherries. I prefer using dried cherries as they plump up when baked. You can also use frozen or canned cherries. DO NOT USE MARASCHINO!! The more cherries you put in, the better it tastes. Variations on this recipe are easy to derive - use raisins, dried apricots, dates or even prunes. However, Prune Chai Cheesecake somehow doesn't have that appetizing ring to it.
• ¼ to ½ cup chai. If you use the concentrated sweetened chai, the sugar is optional. Otherwise you can steep a chai teabag in boiled water (something you definitely know how to do) or as a last resort add water to powdered chai.
• chocolate. The chocolate part is actually optional but gives the name a really cool ring, n'est-ce pas? I usually use a chocolate graham crust or stick a couple of squares of really good European chocolate (no M&M's here) on the top. Otherwise, you can dust some cocoa powder on the top of the cake to give it that fancy European pastry look.

1. Mix the cream cheese with the sugar, either by hand or with an electric mixer, until smooth.
2. Add and mix in the rest of the ingredients.
3. Pour into a graham cracker crust (store bought is so much easier).
4. The most important part of this recipe is the decoration of the top with some of the cherries. The key is to think happy. A happy face decoration projects joy and will make you smile before you cut into it, guaranteed!
5. Bake at 350° for about 1 hour until the top browns a little and solidifies. The trickiest part is judging when the cheesecake is done. I have served liquidy cake that was well received, but a more solid cheesecake is the goal. You'll know you are done when: the top starts cracking, the top starts burning, cute firemen show up at the door. Offer them a slice. They work hard.
6. Once you have skillfully determined that the cake is done, remove it from the oven and let it cool to room temperature.
7. Refrigerate overnight.

Boil some water for tea, yank the cake out and smile as you're cutting and enjoying the surprised look on mom's face.

Stains: Chai tea
First rinse the fresh stain on warm water. Then stand on your tippy toes and pour boiling water from 3 feet above onto the stain. Wash with soap and let it dry in the sun.

Movies for inspiration: Body Heat (1981)
Stella: We've got cherry, cherry and cherry.

The Ultimate Grilled Cheese Sandwich Sandwich for the Tacky Gormay Contributed by Joe Benik

Most people think of the good ole GCS as something you make if you don't have the time or talent to cook some "real" food. And while Martha wouldn't be caught dead serving grilled cheese, you will be proud to serve these to your friends and family. Or, better yet, eat the grillies yourself and send them out for a burger.

INGREDIENTS:
(These are the amounts for each sandwich. Take out a calculator, because you'll want to make more than one.)

1. Three slices of thick, white non-low-cal bread.
2. Four slices of American non-low-fat cheese, or a decent-sized hunk of Velveeta.
3. Some butter or margarine.
4. Two ounces of thinly-sliced ham.
5. Some barbecue sauce, or yellow mustard (but not both).

PREPARATION:

1. Lightly toast one of the slices of bread. I'll tell you why later.
2. While the bread is toasting, butter one side of the other two slices of bread.
3. Get your cheese ready. (That sounds like something dirty, doesn't it?) If you're using slices of American, remove them from the plastic wrap. If you're going with Velveeta, cut them into slices that resemble slices of American. You may have to stick a few slices together, since Velveeta comes in blocks of 3 inches by 3 inches, and American cheese slices are closer to 4 by 4. (Sorry, more math.)
4. Turn your burner on to low, and put on a clean non-stick pan.
5. Now, put together your sandwich, in EXACTLY the following order:
   • Slice of bread, butter side down.
   • Slice of cheese
   • Half your ham
   • Some barbecue sauce or yellow mustard (but not both!)
   • Slice of cheese
   • Slice of unbuttered, toasted bread. (Remember this?)
   • Slice of cheese
   • Half your ham
   • Some barbecue sauce or yellow mustard (but not both!)
   • Slice of cheese
   • Slice of bread, buttered side up.
   
   The main thing is to get the cheese to touch the bread directly in several places. The melting cheese is the cement that will hold your sandwich together. That is why you must respect the cheese. Without cheese, the grilled cheese sandwich is just a, well, I don't want to think about it. But I digress. . .
6. Carefully, so as not to disrupt the subtle architecture, lift the sandwich up with a spatula and turn it over in the pan.
7. This will no doubt cause some shifting of the elements. You can push everything back into place with the spatula. Just be careful not to touch the pan with your fingers.
8. Cook the sandwich on the other side until it is as brown as you want it. If it is taking too long, you can turn up the burner a bit. You kept it on low to prevent the bottom from burning while you were assembling the sandwich.
9. If you need to turn it again, do so. It will be easier this time, since your cheese has had time to do its magic.
10. Put the sandwich on a plate and cut in half, diagonally. Allow some time for the cheese to ooze out just a little bit, but serve while still hot.

Enjoy with bowl of soup, a glass of milk and a bad TV show.

Stains: Barbecue Sauce
Stained your t-shirt? No need to do laundry. Leave the stain and wear this t-shirt instead of an apron when barbecuing. Have a beer.

Movies for inspiration: Psycho II(1983)
Norman: Would you care to share my toasted cheese sandwich?